I mentioned in a previous post about how a particularly traumatic event led to an increase in dangerous bouts of suicidal ideation, my usual regime of trauma dumping to my friends and working out no longer provided the catharsis that it usually had and I found myself and my situation continually getting worse I could quickly see myself becoming a danger to myself and others. I'm also a particularly superstitious individual and figured that I wasn't going to make it past the age of 27, so I did what I had to do. I went through the healthcare system. Now anyone with any particular experience in the way the healthcare system works knows that the NHS although it is a "free" service and helps many people are lacking when it comes to certain services, I think my history of working in the Department of Health and Social Care and also being British which literally makes me an eligible recipient of the services of the NHS can qualify me to make a particularly accurate assessment of the way things work, now for the sake of brevity I'll explain briefly the positives and negatives of the NHS.
I must clarify that free healthcare although it isn't 'perfect' which is lazy writing and I'm sorry for that but whatever, it is a beautiful privilege and I'm so grateful to be able to be the recipient of it and I hope those all over the world who live under oppressive governments who deny their citizens this right will one day have access to it, I hope you never stop fighting the good fight and get what is owed to you.
Now, when it comes to for example physical ailments, like for example you've broken a leg or you've cut an artery in your wrist. As you wanted to punch a window because you thought it would look cool for a music video the NHS is particularly good at repairing these sorts of wounds.
If you lack the knowledge of basic nutrition and think it is acceptable to subsist on chicken nuggets and Oreos with no repercussions, the NHS isn't exactly the best route. It isn't bad per se but it isn't amazing either.
Now if you suffer from mental health issues this is where it becomes particularly complex. If you are in immediate danger like you are literally going to unalive yourself or others the police and ambulance will arrive within approximately 40 mins, Inshallah that will be enough time for you to reconsider your choices and spare the lives of yourself and or others.
Now if you go to the NHS and say that you are depressed what will typically happen is they will put you on a course of antidepressants and you will have to take these for at least six months, the first week exacerbated my OCD and anxiety tenfold and around weeks two to three I was in a deep depression and around week 4 I was manically happy, like unnaturally happy, bouncing off the walls-- just insane behaviour basically. And after that, it seemed to have levelled out.
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There seems to be an ineffable and almost indescribable feeling in the way that SSRIs work it's like a haze of interference a filter that makes you feel like you are not 100% dissociated but you are also not interacting in the material world- you just know that something is off. The lows are less low and the highs are less high.
Not only will the government prescribe you antidepressants they will also schedule you for six sessions of therapy if you fail to meet any of these meetings you will be completely ineligible for any further meetings and must apply again. I've gone to counselling and therapy on many occasions and it really does not provide any sort of benefit to me. What must be done in conjunction with therapy is the homework that they provide you must learn how to use CBT this is probably why counselling did not have much of an effect on me because I did not do the CBT homework. Why would I want to do homework I graduated like five years ago I will never do homework again, even if it means I live a long and unfulfilling life. I simply won't do it. Fuck you.
Neuroatypical people will tell you to get therapy not knowing that therapy isn't the end all be all as if having major depressive disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and generalised anxiety disorder can be completely fixed with therapy, these are extremely complex issues, and with some of these, you are not even able to be "fixed" like you are literally fucked. One must understand that these are a combination of environmental and physical factors, if someone is homeless and panhandling on the street 20mgs of Citalopram and six courses of therapy and CBT homework are not going to fix him. It becomes frustrating dealing with neuroatypical people and you cannot get mad at them because they simply do not know what it means to be a twisted individual. Someone has to be The Dark Knight and someone has to be The Joker.
I'm often told that I am a recluse; I don't like to leave the house too often and they wouldn't be far from the truth, I have everything I need at home. I have a wealth of media, a trove of books loaded up in calibre, and Blu-ray rips of TV shows and movies. I have basic proficiency in making music and art so I have no issues expressing myself creatively and am so terminally online you can contact me easily. I have a pullup bar and a gym membership so I'm able to stay in shape, I built a great body over the span of two years and I maintain it with simple callisthenics. I often get proposed with offers to go to the pub even though I'm mentally ill and alcohol is quite possibly the worst drug for me, it often lands me in altercations. I'm always getting into trouble when I leave the house, neuroatypical people will lambast you for not wanting to spend money on poison during a cost-of-living crisis and then will try to stage an intervention with you over WhatsApp because they're concerned with your drug usage. Not the drugs that they use, but the drugs that YOU use are not approved.
It's all so tiresome.